welcome to the place where i tell you everything wrong with me

Welcome to my journal!
Here shall be all the entries I'll make in 2024 :D

2-28-24 [Wednesday, late evening]

yk for a site that advertises itself as my "fun zone" it doesn't!! seem like!! i am having a whole lot of fun!!! which is quite disappointing, methinks, bcos WHY have an all-customizable playground and NOT have fun... not logical. FEAR NOT — I PLAN TO CHANGE THIS \o/

ok so here's what i'm HOPING to do this year:

  1. SHRINES.. finally..
    1. minecraft - FOR SUREEEE for sure i am making this one HAPPEN. severely overdue
    2. minecraft youtubers - in a subcategory of minecraft maybe.. mcyt was integral to my childhood
    3. undertale - 90% CERTAIN. for my own peace of mind i need to make this really fucking good if i am to do this one
    4. warrior cats - like a 72%... really it would mostly be abt my favorite maps and pmvs and amvs with minimal thought towards the actual books asdkfjlh i stopped reading them entirely several years ago
    5. formula one - TENTATIVE. like a 45% at best which for me is quite low. currently compelling, yes, but for how long i wonder? and am i Willing to be a specific level of cringe right here right now? We Will See. my fixation might just hardcore carry lol xx
    6. homestuck - extremely extremely tentative. i LIKED homestuck but did i like it THAT MUCH.. idk! i joined the party pretty fucking late lmao
  2. an actual about page... Maybe.
  3. fix up art page! add more art! separate by year! make em small and then able to be clicked on! idk how to do any of that tho!
  4. minigames. MINIGAMES. i need to make you guys an arcade!!! if it is Said that this is a Fun Zone then where are the gamesssss the fucking gamessssssssss..
  5. MUSIC PAGE... get into a tunes page to tune in to the tunes that i tune in to. get into itttt
  6. more secrets! i'll get more secret things dotted around. did you know i've always wanted to do an arg? course you didn't i don't think that's something i've ever mentioned elemayoh. i So want to tho. the idea of people solving a little puzzle that i make.. waahhh fuck that sounds awesome!!! wouldn't end up going into irl tho. also probably wouldn't be horror based! a lot are and a lot freak me out :( which is part of it Yes the mystery and the added veil of the unknown And Such Things. i get HELLA fucking freaked tho like WAY TOO FREAKED
  7. one of these days i will figure out what to do with the sidebars. suggestions welcome!

wow really hope this code works bc it looks like A MESS right now ahaaa. my eyes hurt but i still have to edit this video due tomorrow... agh. oh shit yeah im 18 now btw. thumbs up. nothing feels different except that i am now very worried that the world does not understand how un-different it all feels. i'm just a little guy leave me aloneeee i'm just a little guy i was a little birthday boy that's all it is... that's all it is just a little birthday... my brain is still woefully underdeveloped my body is still misshappen and retalitory my heart is still really very stupid. hold me responsible but treat me without newly formed malice. Please. please be nice. i mean i get it, don't coddle, that's probably one of the worse not-so-bad things you can do for a person, but like. be nice. direct and non-insulting, at minimum? nah the "minimum" is more "fair" than anything nvm. do no harm but take no shit type of deal. always give people shit when warranted.

fuck i really need to work on my project auughhh. that's my own fault... such is life. oh well! i will succeed. hope you're all having a good one out there in the world!!

as always love u all thanks for being here!!
simon ♥

2-20-24 [Tuesday, late evening]

lmao hey yall :thumbsup: what's good

been MIA for a damn while oops. i didn't have the motivation or creative juices to update this website and eventually the shame made my brain file neocities away in a little untouched pocket. augh. i'm doing like, semi better? like my grades are up, i'm talking to people more regularly, i'm attempting to sort out what i'm gonna do in the future, i'm showering more often, all that stuff. still sad as shit still worried everyone hates me but hey that's mental illness for you ayooo. hoping to actually do more with this site this year lol, gonna add some pages on what i like which will for suresies be really fucking embarrassing for me aha But Hey That's Mental Illness For You.

i am mere hours before birthday time. damn. last night i went on this whole rant on my fuckin finsta or whatever it's called about how i understand why people kill themselves on their birthdays and honestly yeah i still get it. i'm a little worried nothing's gonna happen tomorrow lol. i've drifted dangerously further and further away from my friends this past year... they're all better than me and i feel. well. really really insecure about that, as i have Discussed on this Blog many a time. the feeling has for sure intensified the last few months lol but we're pushin thru and what not. i think if i were actually doing anything of note with my life i'd feel less Like This but ahahaahahaha we're not there yet.

don't know what im gonna do on my birthday tbh. have dinner maybe call some friends.. it's a tuesday no one's free and the people who are Are the people who i don't usually talk to outside of Academics. idk.. might introduce the 4 total people who actually talk to me?? but i don't think they'd click they're all different folks. i'm a complex guy i contain multitudes and some of those 'tudes are spread 'tween conversationalizingations with different folks and what-not. FUCK there are so many people who were really cool who don't talk to me anymore what the FUCK did i do man... whatever whatever i'm livin'. i'm livin' 'n such. anyone miss me while i was gone? you don't have to answer that.

why's the happy birthday song so low energy it's like everyone's embarrassed to be happy about the birthday... who popularized this rendition damn...

year of the dragon rawrrrr let's get it,
simon ♥